Aleah Chapin’s Hannah

Aleah Chapin's Hannah

Hannah – Oil on canvas, 66 x 66 inches by Aleah Chapin

Born in 1986, Chapin now lives and works in Brooklyn, New York.

I love Aleah Chapin’s (@aleahchapin) slightly controversial, raw, realistic paintings of nude older women; especially this one, lovely hair.

Unfortunately I missed her latest London exhibition at the Flowers Gallery, ‘Maiden, Mother, Child and Crone’ – Aleah Chapin knocks Lucian Freud into a cocked hat ~ Anyway, it’s always great to see flesh that hasn’t been photoshopped!

I couldn’t obtain permission to reproduce the artwork above because Aleah did not reply to my Facebook message! So I hope it’s okay Aleah.

Uley Bitter Makes You Stronger & More Intelligent

Brian Streaters Streatfield

Brian ‘Streaters’ Streatfield

I was having a nice pint of Uley Bitter with that distinctive hoppy, fruity flavour, in the The Red Lion pub in Arlingham, Gloucestershire, with my mate Streaters, and let’s be honest, we were well and truly rat-arsed. And he says to me, “Yooo know sumfin Ian, when I was in my thirties and got a massive stiffy, I couldn’t bend it with either of my hands – how ever hard I tried. But when I was in my forties, I could bend it about ten degrees if I tried really hard. And then by the time I was in my fifties, I could bend it at least twenty degrees, no problem. Anyway, I’m gonna be sixty next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand!”
“And your fucking point is?” I said, as I tried to attract the attention of the beautiful landlord by waggling my empty glass at him.
“Well,” said Streaters, “I woz jus’ wonderin’ how much stronger I’m gonna get!”

~

A Celebration of The Life of Brian. Brian ‘Streaters’ Streatfield, born 4th October 1938 – 25th July 2014. He was like an Uncle to me, he was a dear, dear friend and I loved him very much.

This series of ‘Pub Jokes’ marked Streaters is my little tribute to a man who loved a pint in a good pub; he was also the bloke that I loved to have a pint with, and I’ll miss him forever. Rest in peace you wonderful old ‘B’

My 7 Reasons Why You Should Kickstart Your Very Own Salon Blog Comment

One of the most dumb ass and frustrating things that can happen to you when interacting with people is be ignored. I read (you can too @ 7 Reasons Why You Should Kickstart Your Very Own Salon Blog) Connor Keppel’s blog post: “7 Reasons Why You Should Kickstart Your Very Own Salon Blog” and felt the need to comment – My brilliant comment didn’t get to see the light of day – I Was Ignored! Dafuq!

It is So frustrating because filling in those bloody comment boxes (I’ve got one just like it!) is Bullshit – If a real person takes the time and effort to comment, and comments are open, they’ve got the right to be heard. Suck on that Connor Keppel, Marketing Manager at Phorest Salon Software!

Anyway, I run a blog, I can post it here – well a new version of it because I wrote the original on the Phorest Salon Software’s website and therefore it doesn’t exist any more. I Have Rewritten It.

Here is my phenomenal response to: 7 Reasons Why You Should Kickstart Your Very Own Salon Blog ;-)

Firstly, I think that I had better say that I have been blogging for a long time, almost as long as blogging itself! I started my first SlashHair blog in the winter 1997-1998. And I run a number of other blogs which are about website promotion.

The main reason I wanted to comment on Connor Keppel’s blog post was because I felt it needed some ‘clarification.’ But just to say, theoretically, I did agree with most of what Connor said. There are however, some important caveats for the new, virgin, would be salon blogger.

The main issue I have with Connor’s blog post is the expectation of success he raises for the reader, which is all very well, but the reality is that people are not interacting with blogs in the same way as they did five years ago. The reason for this is simple: most blogs today don’t allow worthwhile ‘linkbacks’ to the commentator.

(Linkbacks or should I say, “Incoming Links,” are links that point To the commentator’s Website. They are very important to the commentator and represent ‘one of the main ways’ future visitors will find the commentator’s website. Incoming links from Blogs also help with Search Engine Optimization (SEO) because they are often One-Way. Meaning: they are an un-reciprocated link pointing to Your website – I could drone on for hours and hours about this subject (SEO and Website Linking), but I won’t, even though I want to!)

The reason the linkbacks are almost worthless, is because most Blogs stop the search engines from following the link (good for their SEO, bad for commentator’s). So the value of a linkback is actually determined by what you have to say in your comment that makes people want to visit your website – if you get my drift?

And the reason Blogs have stopped the search engines from following the “Commentator’s Website Link” is partly because of spam comments which are written just to get the link!

People who do not own a blog or a website (and therefore are not interested in website promotion), do read blogs, but they rarely comment!

Writing a blog, like keeping an expansive diary, is extremely difficult and time-consuming. There is an effort::reward calculation; producing high quality, well written / produced content that is informative, engaging and entertaining on a regular basis (Blog 3 times a week) is very hard. Actually, I would say that unless you are able to ‘come-up-with-the-goods’ I would not recommend writing a blog. There are other ways to engage with clients and prospective clients via the internet – and in the real world.

Poor blog content may even damage your reputation or brand!

Another way to effectively engage with people is by writing articles and post them on your own salon website. Articles can create the valued website content that you talk about Connor. As for article subjects: anything that clients frequently ask about, popular/new product information, fashion trends and style predictions, tips, tricks and important information…

BTW, people like photographs, galleries are a good idea.

Number Four: you say, “Drive more traffic to your website.” I agree, blogs can do that, but only when used in conjunction with SEO; which means: high quality relevant content and loads of incoming links!

Number Five: I say, synchronizing social media is a very dangerous thing to do, especially for hairdressers, who repeat/spam the same information everywhere, day after day. Even exciting and informative news can still look spammy when synchronized. Let’s face it, if I follow you on Facebook and Twitter, I don’t want to read the same stuff – if I do, I’ll unfollow one of your accounts! We are not helped by the social media who actively encourage synchronization, maybe as a collective act of self-promotion and togetherness?

Each social networking platform, be it Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, or dare I say it, Your Website, has its own niche, an identity created by its owner for its users – Facebook isn’t Twitter isn’t Linkedin isn’t your website – the differences may seem subtle sometimes, but they are important to the individual user. Always use different content on the different social networking sites, so when people ‘click around’ they don’t read the same bollocks over and over again, because that’s boring, disengaging and a massive, massive, massive turn-off – even for the client who loves you! The true promotional value of social networking is always measured by what you have to say! Syncing will hurt you.

If you want to set up a website or blog I recommend WordPress. WordPress.org is for people who want to host the blog themselves, and WordPress.com is a free blogging platform which is easy to set up if you want to try your hand at keeping a Blog!

I am wondering why Phorest Salon Software did not approve my comment???

Plain Sailing at the Red Lion Arlingham

Brian Streaters Streatfield

Brian “Streaters” Streatfield

I was having a nice pint of Uley Bitter with that distinctive hoppy, fruity flavour, in the The Red Lion pub in Arlingham, Gloucestershire, when my mate Streaters came flying in, “Do you have any helicopter flavoured crisps?” he asked with an urgent tone in his voice. The landlord shook his head and said, “No, we only have plain!”

~

A Celebration of The Life of Brian. Brian ‘Streaters’ Streatfield, born 4th October 1938 – 25th July 2014. He was like an Uncle to me, he was a dear, dear friend and I loved him very much.

This series of ‘Pub Jokes’ marked Streaters is my little tribute to a man who loved a pint in a good pub; he was also the bloke that I loved to have a pint with, and I’ll miss him forever. Rest in peace you old ‘B’

Streaters Gets A Nasty Black Eye

Brian Streaters Streatfield

Brian “Streaters” Streatfield

I was having a nice pint of Uley Bitter with that distinctive hoppy, fruity flavour, in the The Red Lion pub in Arlingham, Gloucestershire, when my mate Streaters walked in with a very nasty looking black eye. “That’s a very nasty looking black eye,” I said.
“Yes it’s a very nasty black eye,” said Streaters.
“Well that’s a very nasty black eye.”
“It is a very, very nasty black eye.”
“That’s a really, very nasty black eye; how did you get it?”
“Well, I was sitting in church last Sunday and we all got up to sing the first hymn; and when the lady in front of me stood up, I noticed that her skirt had gone up the crack of her arse. So I leant forward, grabbed the hem of her skirt and pulled it all out. She swung around and said, “How Dare You,” and hit me in the eye with her hymn book!

A week later I was having another really nice pint of Uley Bitter in the The Red Lion, when my mate Streaters walked in with another very nasty looking black eye. “Oooh, that’s a very nasty looking black eye,” I said.
“Yes it’s a very nasty black eye that I’ve got,” said Streaters.
“Well that’s a very nasty black eye.”
“It is a very, very nasty black eye.”
“That’s a really, very nasty black eye; how did you get it?”
“Well, I was sitting in church last Sunday and we all got up to sing the first hymn; and when the lady in front of me stood up, I noticed that her skirt was hanging perfectly normally. Well, I knew she didn’t like it like that, so I tucked it back in!

~

A Celebration of The Life of Brian. Brian ‘Streaters’ Streatfield, born 4th October 1938 – 25th July 2014. He was like an Uncle to me, he was a dear, dear friend and I loved him very much.

This series of ‘Pub Jokes’ marked Streaters is my little tribute to a man who loved a pint in a good pub; he was also the bloke that I loved to have a pint with, and I’ll miss him forever. Rest in peace you old ‘B’

Woman suffers permanent sight damage after allergic reaction to hair dye

Woman’s suffers permanent sight damage after allergic reaction to hair dye via Daily Mail Online. This is why it’s so important to have a professional hair-colourist colour your hair!

Home hair colouring is not really a good idea, if anything starts to go wrong immediate action is required.

Also, have a gander at: Hair Colour and Cancer – Part 2 yet another hair colouring issue!

I firmly back the Cosmetic, Toiletry and Perfumery Association’s (CTPA) and the National Hairdressers’ Federation’s “Colour With Confidence Campaign.” If you’re thinking about getting your hair tinted, whether it’s the first time or the hundredth, make sure you get an Allergy Alert Test 48 hours in advance – Please Get In Contact For More Details.

Get better soon Jo Thomson xXx

Professor of Logic Visits The Red Lion Arlingham

Brian Streaters Streatfield

Brian ‘Streaters’ Streatfield

Streaters was having a nice pint of Uley Bitter with one of his work colleagues in the The Red Lion pub in Arlingham, Gloucestershire, when a gang of shabbily dressed men walked in! Streaters said to his colleague, “Hang on mate, excuse me for a moment, I think I know that man?” And he got up and walked over to the group.
“I say, you’re not ‘Twist’ are you?” Asked Streaters.
“Yes!” said Twist. “Oh My God; it’s Streaters isn’t it? I haven’t seen you since school – what are you doing these days?”
“Well I’m just having a lunchtime pint with one of my colleagues; I’m working for Calor Gas; what about you?”
“We’re having a profs day out in the sticks; I’m professor of Logic at University College London.”
“Professor of Logic! What’s that all about then?”
“Well, let me give you an example. Have you got a pond?”
“Yes!”
“Okay then, Logic says that if you’ve got a pond, you’ve probably got quite a large garden, and if you’ve got a large garden, you’ve probably got a large house.”
“Yes that’s right we do have quite a large house.”
“Logic then goes on to say that if you’ve got a large house, you’ve probably got a good income, and if you’ve got a good income, you’ve probably got a very attractive wife.”
“Yes that’s absolutely right, my wife’s beautiful.”
“Logic then goes on to say that if you’ve got an attractive wife, you probably have a fulfilling sex life and that you hardly ever masturbate.”
“Yes we have fantastic sex, I never masturbate.”
“There you are then, that’s Logic, one thing leads on to another in a logical progression.”
“Twist old friend, that was very interesting – I think I’d better be getting back to my colleague now, he’s looking over at us; here’s my card, let’s keep in touch and meet up sometime soon.” They exchanged cards and went their separate ways.

When Streaters got back to his colleague he said, “yes that was my old school friend; he’s done ever-so well for himself, he’s professor of Logic at University College London.”
“Professor of Logic! What’s that all about?” said the work colleague.
“Well, let me give you an example. Have you got a pond?” asked Streaters.
“No!”
“Oh, you’re a wanker then!”

~

A Celebration of The Life of Brian. Brian ‘Streaters’ Streatfield, born 4th October 1938 – 25th July 2014. He was like an Uncle to me, he was a dear, dear friend and I loved him very much.

This series of ‘Pub Jokes’ marked Streaters is my little tribute to a man who loved a pint in a good pub; he was also the bloke that I loved to have a pint with, and I’ll miss him forever. Rest in peace you old ‘B’

Bristol Crocodile Goes Into The Red Lion Pub Arlingham

Brian Streaters Streatfield

Brian ‘Streaters’ Streatfield

I was having a nice pint of Uley Bitter in the The Red Lion pub in Arlingham, Gloucestershire, when my mate Streaters walks in with the 16 foot ‘Bristol Crocodile’ that he’d found on the banks of the River Avon!

The landlord looked up and shouts “Get It Out – Are you crazy? You can’t bring that thing in here! Get It Out Now!” But Streaters seemed totally relaxed, he heads towards the bar dragging the fucking enormous crocodile behind him on a leash, and he says, “Relax, it’s perfectly okay; the Bristol Crocodile seems to be completely tame. In fact, if you’ll let me stay I’ll show you one of his tricks to demonstrate that he’s very docile.”

The Landlord reluctantly consents and Streaters gently coaxes the crocodile to climb up on to a nearby chair. Much to everyone’s surprise, Streaters gets out his ‘not-so-little-man’ and places it in the crocodile’s mouth.

After about a minute Streaters pulls out a baseball bat, and Whack. Whack. Whack. He beats the crocodile viciously over the head. The massive Bristol Crocodile seems totally unmoved and he just slowly opens his mouth and Streaters’s penis is unharmed.

A round of applause and Streaters takes a bow; he puts his tackle away and shouts out, “Anyone Else Want To Give It A Go?” And some old girl in the corner shouted, “Yeah, I’ll give it a go, but don’t hit me so hard with the bat!”

~

A Celebration of The Life of Brian. Brian ‘Streaters’ Streatfield, born 4th October 1938 – 25th July 2014. He was like an Uncle to me, he was a dear, dear friend and I loved him very much.

This series of ‘Pub Jokes’ marked Streaters is my little tribute to a man who loved a pint in a good pub; he was also the bloke that I loved to have a pint with, and I’ll miss him forever. Rest in peace you old ‘B’

Vivienne Westwood Gives England The Finger

Dame Vivienne Westwood photograph by Juergen Teller – The National Portrait Gallery – J.P. Morgan Fund for New Commissions

Vivienne Westwood gives England the finger at her Red Label show on Sunday 14 September 2014 – London Fashion Week SS15!

If you’d asked me yesterday which way Vivienne Westwood would vote in the Scottish independence referendum, I’d have said, “NO!” (by the way, she doesn’t get a vote!) Surely this intelligent fashion designer and businesswoman, who’s very much a part of the “establishment,” (she is a fucking Dame for Christ’s sake!) with shops all over the world, wouldn’t really want to split up the United Kingdom and make it smaller and disconnected, at a time when the world is becoming more connected, more like a “global village”? Seemingly, she does!

Then again, if I’d actually thought about it… well, the signs have always been there right from the early King’s Road days. Vivienne Westwood is a woman who wants to push a stick into the spokes of the system, the establishment, England, and watch the rider go arse over tit. Why? Because anarchy has made her a shed load of cash.

In the early King’s Road, Malcolm McLaren days, they used reverse psychology as an effective marketing strategy. There were plenty of cheap, risqué, shock tactics and gimmicks too, that worked well in an era of Habitat, Margaret Thatcher and Pink Floyd – BDSM (Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism (SM)), Swastikas, Nazi bondage, upside down crucifixes and sticking two fingers up at HRH just thirty years after WW2 was Very subversive, provocative, anarchistic, anti-establishment and anti-christian; they were sticking two fingers up at the journalists as well, because they could hardly print a fucking word!

For Vivienne Westwood being unpatriotic isn’t just a marketing strategy, it’s a part of her “angry political activist,” DIY, ironic punk philosophy.

Vivienne Westwood as Margaret Thatcher - Tatler April Fool issue 1989

Here’s Vivienne Westwood as Margaret Thatcher – Tatler April Fool issue 1989

She knows how to get them talking! And by declaring, ‘I hate England,’ the Vivster has certainly done that.

Over the next few days there’s going to be plenty of negative comments pointed towards Westwood, which is a pity; this woman who cycles around London, cares about the community and supports many worthy causes, is doing the Scottish poor a Massive injustice, because it is they who will suffer so dreadfully if the YES vote wins.

Never mind the bollocks #VoteNo