Monthly Archives: September 2014

Bristol Crocodile Goes Into The Red Lion Pub Arlingham

Posted on by
Reply

Brian Streaters Streatfield

Brian ‘Streaters’ Streatfield

I was having a nice pint of Uley Bitter in the The Red Lion pub in Arlingham, Gloucestershire, when my mate Streaters walks in with the 16 foot ‘Bristol Crocodile’ that he’d found on the banks of the River Avon!

The landlord looked up and shouts “Get It Out – Are you crazy? You can’t bring that thing in here! Get It Out Now!” But Streaters seemed totally relaxed, he heads towards the bar dragging the fucking enormous crocodile behind him on a leash, and he says, “Relax, it’s perfectly okay; the Bristol Crocodile seems to be completely tame. In fact, if you’ll let me stay I’ll show you one of his tricks to demonstrate that he’s very docile.”

The Landlord reluctantly consents and Streaters gently coaxes the crocodile to climb up on to a nearby chair. Much to everyone’s surprise, Streaters gets out his ‘not-so-little-man’ and places it in the crocodile’s mouth.

After about a minute Streaters pulls out a baseball bat, and Whack. Whack. Whack. He beats the crocodile viciously over the head. The massive Bristol Crocodile seems totally unmoved and he just slowly opens his mouth and Streaters’s penis is unharmed.

A round of applause and Streaters takes a bow; he puts his tackle away and shouts out, “Anyone Else Want To Give It A Go?” And some old girl in the corner shouted, “Yeah, I’ll give it a go, but don’t hit me so hard with the bat!”

~

A Celebration of The Life of Brian. Brian ‘Streaters’ Streatfield, born 4th October 1938 – 25th July 2014. He was like an Uncle to me, he was a dear, dear friend and I loved him very much.

This series of ‘Pub Jokes’ marked Streaters is my little tribute to a man who loved a pint in a good pub; he was also the bloke that I loved to have a pint with, and I’ll miss him forever. Rest in peace you old ‘B’

Vivienne Westwood Gives England The Finger

Posted on by
Reply

Dame Vivienne Westwood photograph by Juergen Teller – The National Portrait Gallery – J.P. Morgan Fund for New Commissions

Vivienne Westwood gives England the finger at her Red Label show on Sunday 14 September 2014 – London Fashion Week SS15!

If you’d asked me yesterday which way Vivienne Westwood would vote in the Scottish independence referendum, I’d have said, “NO!” (by the way, she doesn’t get a vote!) Surely this intelligent fashion designer and businesswoman, who’s very much a part of the “establishment,” (she is a fucking Dame for Christ’s sake!) with shops all over the world, wouldn’t really want to split up the United Kingdom and make it smaller and disconnected, at a time when the world is becoming more connected, more like a “global village”? Seemingly, she does!

Then again, if I’d actually thought about it… well, the signs have always been there right from the early King’s Road days. Vivienne Westwood is a woman who wants to push a stick into the spokes of the system, the establishment, England, and watch the rider go arse over tit. Why? Because anarchy has made her a shed load of cash.

In the early King’s Road, Malcolm McLaren days, they used reverse psychology as an effective marketing strategy. There were plenty of cheap, risqué, shock tactics and gimmicks too, that worked well in an era of Habitat, Margaret Thatcher and Pink Floyd – BDSM (Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism (SM)), Swastikas, Nazi bondage, upside down crucifixes and sticking two fingers up at HRH just thirty years after WW2 was Very subversive, provocative, anarchistic, anti-establishment and anti-christian; they were sticking two fingers up at the journalists as well, because they could hardly print a fucking word!

For Vivienne Westwood being unpatriotic isn’t just a marketing strategy, it’s a part of her “angry political activist,” DIY, ironic punk philosophy.

Vivienne Westwood as Margaret Thatcher - Tatler April Fool issue 1989

Here’s Vivienne Westwood as Margaret Thatcher – Tatler April Fool issue 1989

She knows how to get them talking! And by declaring, ‘I hate England,’ the Vivster has certainly done that.

Over the next few days there’s going to be plenty of negative comments pointed towards Westwood, which is a pity; this woman who cycles around London, cares about the community and supports many worthy causes, is doing the Scottish poor a Massive injustice, because it is they who will suffer so dreadfully if the YES vote wins.

Never mind the bollocks #VoteNo

Celebratory Snifter at The Red Lion Arlingham

Posted on by
Reply

Brian Streatfield

Brian ‘Streaters’ Streatfield

I was having a nice pint of Uley Bitter in the The Red Lion pub in Arlingham, Gloucestershire, when my mate Streaters walked in, and without blinking, doffing his hat or a nod he orders five double whiskies. The landlord pours them, lines them up on the bar and we all look on as he knocks them back in quick succession. As soon as Streaters finishes the landlord jokingly asks, “what’s the big occasion?” And Streaters replies, “my first blow-job!” The landlord immediately offers up a congratulatory and celebratory snifter, but Streaters replies. “if five doubles didn’t get the taste out of my mouth, I doubt the sixth will!”

~

A Celebration of The Life of Brian. Brian ‘Streaters’ Streatfield, born 4th October 1938 – 25th July 2014. He was like an Uncle to me, he was a dear, dear friend and I loved him very much.

This series of ‘Pub Jokes’ marked Streaters is my little tribute to a man who loved a pint in a good pub; he was also the bloke that I loved to have a pint with, and I’ll miss him forever. Rest in peace you old ‘B’

What does SS15 and AW15 stand for?

Posted on by
2

“What does the SS and AW in SS15 and AW15 stand for within the world of fashion?” SS15 stands for the Spring Summer fashion season in the year 2015. The AW stands for the Autumn Winter season!

There are also three popular hashtags to be found on Twitter (and other social networks) over the next few days (and beyond up to Paris, September 23-October 1, 2014) #ss15, #aw15 and #LFW (London Fashion Week, September 12-16, 2014).

The British Fashion Council and the London Fashion Week Site are always a good places to keep up with events and for the links to the latest and live London Fashion Week news.

Vivienne Westwood Red Label show on Sunday 14 September 2014 @ 17:00 – by invitation only!

My fashion and hairstyle predictions are more general and not really seasonal! See: Fashion Trends & Hair Styles – Predictions For 2014 – if you are interested? I’ll be posting my latest trends and fashion predictions for 2015 early in December 2014.

The Place of the Foreigner

Posted on by
Reply

George Imlach McIntosh (Gordon Highlanders)

George Imlach McIntosh (Gordon Highlanders) receiving his Victoria Cross from King George V for outstanding bravery and valour at the Battle of Passchendaele

Quite frankly, I find it really odd in this year 2014, we’re commemorating the 100th anniversary of the First World War, we honour those who fought and died together. Heroes everyone. Why then would the SNP want to brake up the union? I don’t understand. Really, I don’t understand.

I’ve a strong feeling that we’re witnessing a form of Fascism at work (it’s not just Nationalism, it’s more than that), and that it’ll end badly! [edit: 22.10.14 – it’s not over yet!]

The place of the foreigner is within the Lowlands…

As a net is made up by a series of knots, so everything in this world is connected by a series of knots. If anyone thinks that the mesh of a net is an independent, isolated thing, they are mistaken. It is called a net because it is made up of a series of connected meshes, and each mesh has its place and responsibilities in relation to other meshes.

When the net is torn we mend it. There are no foreigners. Who’s the foreigner?

Miracle at The Red Lion in Arlingham

Posted on by
Reply

Brian Streatfield

Brian Streatfield 1938 – 2014

I was having a nice pint of Uley Bitter at the The Red Lion pub in Arlingham, Gloucestershire, when my mate Streaters walked in with his two dogs; he gave me a nod and a wink and said to the landlord, “if you give us a free pint of beer each, I’ll show you something totally amazing that you’ve never seen before!”

“Okay, but it’d better be bloody good or you’re paying,” said the landlord.

Streaters reaches down and lifts up Fred, one of his dachshunds, and he plops Fred on the bar. Immediately Fred scampers along the bar at high speed, jumps off the end, performs an elegant mid-air somersault and lands on a table. He then pulls out a ukulele an proceeds to play it beautifully. The landlord says, “Bloody Hell! That’s unbelievable! Have a beer.”

As soon as Streaters and I finish our beers he says to the landlord, “if I show you another amazing trick, that you’ve never seen before, will you give us another free pint?”

“Yeah, if it’s as amazing as the last one, why not?”

So Streaters reaches into his Barbour jacket and pulls out a small green toad. He puts the toad on the bar and the toad begins to sing with an angelic female voice. We are all absolutely amazed, and the landlord brings us each another pint.

Anyway, we’re sitting at the bar talking, laughing, supping our beers and listening to the fuckin’ toad, and this bloke rushes over and says, “Jesus H. Christ! A singing toad! I’ll give you five hundred quid for him.”

Streaters immediately says, “done mate!” shakes his hand and hands him the toad. As the bloke is walking away, the landlord sidles over to us and says, “Streaters, that was a singing toad for God’s sake, you must be mad, why sell it for just five hundred quid? It must be worth millions!”

Streaters said, “Ha ha, don’t worry. Fred’s also a ventriloquist.”

~

A Celebration of The Life of Brian. Brian ‘Streaters’ Streatfield, born 4th October 1938 – 25th July 2014. He was like an Uncle to me, he was a dear, dear friend and I loved him very much.

This series of ‘Pub Jokes’ marked Streaters is my little tribute to a man who loved a pint in a good pub; he was also the bloke that I loved to have a pint with, and I’ll miss him forever. Rest in peace you old ‘B’

Junior Hairdresser

Posted on by
Reply

Junior Hairdresser
Phillip Andrew @PAGladwinHair wrote on #HairHour, I paraphrase:

I’ll be finishing my training soon, and wondering how it’s best to start getting my own clients, Can anyone help? I’ve been looking mainly for models, but I’m about 2 months off of finishing and wanting to start to find the clients.

I replied simply with: I wouldn’t worry too much about getting new clients, worry about the quality of your work, then they’ll come flocking! Because hairdressing is all about results!

Then the NHF for Hairdressers @NHfederation asked:

Why do your clients love you? #hairhour #DontBeModest

And I replied, tongue-in-cheek, “Because I love them.” But the real answer is much more complicated than that!

Later in the frenetic discussion that is #HairHour, HerPassion @thehaircampaign wrote:

Admire your clients lifestyles, take pleasure interacting with them, delight them, understand why they visit you, and your impact on them.

And I thought, let’s be frank, “What a sycophantic, self-serving load of Bollocks!” But then again, analysing your business isn’t a bad thing – it’s just that I have issues with banal statements like, take pleasure interacting with them!

When I was a junior hairdresser and about two months away from going on the floor (becoming a stylist) the last thing that was on my mind was building a clientèle; however, it was then that Oliver went stylist to stylist around the salon, starting from the top, asking them if they wanted to do a photo-session after work that night – It was a Friday! Everyone was saying no because they were going out! The photo-session was to be a ‘before and after’ shoot of a secretary with curly hair for Woman and Home Magazine – No photo credits, just a fee of ten quid, which is worth about one hundred pounds today!

cassie

When Oliver finally asked me, out of utter desperation (because he obviously didn’t want to do it either), I said yes, and I was totally over the fucking moon. I can’t describe how deliriously happy and nervous I was, even though I’d already been on numerous photo-sessions and fashion shows as a junior, assisting a stylist. This was my first solo event! Oliver said, “Don’t tell them you’re a junior!”

About a week after the Woman and Home Magazine photo-session, I was handing blue hair-rollers to one of the junior-stylists (my most hated task) in the custom of a typical douchebag, one blue roller pushed on to the end of each finger! Oliver sidled over to us and said to me, “I’d like you to do a fashion show for Coco tomorrow. By-the-way, Penny Ryder phoned to say that Woman and Home loved your work.” And off he slid.

I looked the junior-stylist in the eye to bring her back to reality, so I could escape the irksome chore, then at my fingers with the last two rollers stuffed on the top and it looked like I was giving her a massive blue plastic V sign, and we both burst out laughing. Happy days.

But at no time was I ever thinking about building a clientèle or why they love me and I certainly was not admiring their lifestyles – I was just doing it!